BIRTHDAY WARRIORS CATS
by Ravenwing101
Summary: HAPPY B DAY TO ALL WARRIORS, btw, TALLSTAR IS OLD, he's like 98 or something...
1. Chapter 1 Tallstar

**Tallstar's birthday**

"TALLSTAR!" Mudclaw exclaimed.

"WHAT, IM SLEEPING!" Tallstar croaked.

"YOU CAN SLEEP WITH YOURE DEAD, COME OUT HERE!" Mudclaw demanded.

Tallstar cursed at Mudclaw and slowly walked out of his den.

"SURPRISE PARTY!" The clan cheered, "HAPPY 98th BIRTHDAY!"

"IM ONLY 30!" Tallstar snapped.

"Are you sure?" Mudclaw asked.

"Mudclaw, you're so mean!" Tallstar said, "Onewhisker, since you're not mean, you're deputy."

**Thats the real reason why Onewhisker became deputy.**

"Here's your cake, blow out the candles and make a wish!" Barkface said.

"WISH FOR A NEW SKATEBOARD FOR MEEEEEE!" Shrewclaw demanded.

Tallstar hesitated but then blew out the candles.

"What did you wish for?" Diseasekit asked.

"TO HAVE ONE MOMENT OF PEACE WITHOUT YOU BRATS!" Tallstar said.

"Awww, we know your just being sarcastic!" Dumbkit said, "Hug!"

The clan came together and hugged Tallstar so hard, he couldn't breathe.

**That concludes it, Tallstar has the worst birthdays.**


	2. Chapter 2 Firestar

Firestar woke up from a heavy slumber, only to remember that it was his birthday! Firestar raced out of his den and found Cloudtail running around, his head exploding everywhere.

"UP, UP AND AWAY, OH SHOOT THE SUN AHHHHHHHHH!"The kits screamed while being on balloons.

"SAVE MY KITS!"Ferncloud demanded, yelling at dead rocks.

"OH NO, ITS ASHFUR, EVERYONE HEAD TO THE BOMB SHELTER DENS!"Squirrelflight sang.

"ITS A UGLY, DROWLING DOG!"Longtail warned, "Wait that's just Brightheart."

Purdy took Jayfeather's mate, the stick, and ran in circles while playing the maracas. Jayfeather turned red in anger. "JAYFEATHER SMASH!" Jayfeather accidentally stepped on a mine bomb that Daisy put in case of badgers , THE WHOLE FOREST EXPLODED.

"WORST BIRTHDAY EVER!"Firestar growled.

"I know right." Starclan Tallstar agreed.


	3. Chapter 3 Blazerkitty

"GAYFEATHER!" Lionblaze called, he took Jayfeather's scruff and pulled him into safety.  
"WTF LIONBLAZE!" Jayfeather said, "AND ITS **JAY**feather not Gayfeather!"  
"I was saving your pelt! Today's May.30!" Lionblaze said.  
"So?" Jayfeather asked.  
"IT'S BLAZERKITTY'S BIRTHDAY!"  
"So?" Jayfeather repeated.  
"Don't you remember last year?" Lionblaze asked, "SHE PUT BOMBS IN THE FRESH-KILL! i STILL CAN'T GET THAT TASTE OUT OF MY MOUTH! Last, last year was the worst, SHE BLEW UP STARCLAN!"

**Just outside...**

Blazerkitty was walking. "Gayfeather? Lionbut? Where are you? It's my birthday, please don't ignore me."  
Uglykit walked up to her.  
_NO, UGLYKIT IS TOO UGLY ENOUGH, THE POOR NEWBORN CAN'T TAKE ANYMORE UGLY BOMBS!_Lionblaze thought.  
"What's wrong?" Uglykit asked.  
"Everyone is hiding from me, is it because they don't like me?" Blaze asked, "AM I UGLY?! I CAN'T BE AS UGLY AS UGLYKIT!"  
"Hey!" Uglykit said.  
"NO ONE LIKES ME WAHHHHHHHHHH." Blaze said. (Blaze never crys btw.)  
Thunderclan felt sad and came out from hiding, "Sorry Blaze."  
"Now that we know you don't have bombs, let party!" Stupidkit annouced.  
"Who said I don't have bombs?" Blazerkitty asked.

The forest exploded, though Blazerkitty was the only one wearing anti-bomb armor.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BLAZE,

btw, I NEED _DUMB,_ **RANDOM** WARRIOR CAT NAMES LIKE STUPIDKIT AND UGLYKIT, SORRY IF I DON'T USE THEM ALL.


	4. Chapter 5 Hollyleaf

**Hollyleaf's birthday**

"ITS MY BIRTHDAY" Hollyleaf screamed, "YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

Every cat moaned.

"IM LEADER FOR A DAY!"

"You're going to allow this?" Squirrelflight asked Bramblestar.

"She kept lecturing me about why she should. I couldn't take it, sorry." Bramblestar apologized. "The lecture lasted two moons."

"AS LEADER!" Holly**star **announced, " EVERYONE WILL ACTUALLY **READ **THE WARRIOR CODE."

"NOOOOO!" Idiotbrain shouted.

"How am I going to read?" Jayfeather asked, "No one wrote the code down, I'm surprised anyone actually remembered the code."

"SHAT UP SMARTYPANTS!"Idiotbrain said.

Hollystar handed out huge pamphlets, "I wrote them down in 63 books."

"Your handwriting sucks." Rainbowkit said.

"For that, YOU WRITE A TEXTBOOK ABOUT HOW AWESOME I AM!" Hollyleaf said.

"FFFFFUUUUUU!"Rainbowkit cursed.

"Wait, what kind of codes are these?" Dungfoot asked, "Code seven, Hollyleaf is **cat**alious? Code eight, Hollyleaf puts the purr in **purr**fect. Hollyleaf loves to hollyleaf in the holly of leaves?! THAT ONE DOESNT EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE!"

"MWAHHHHH!" Hollystar laughed.

Hollyleaf lectured everyone until they're brain exploded out of dumbness.

Poor Thunderclan... Just wait til next year, Hollyleaf will lecture Riverclan until Mistystar she gives a compliment Hollyleaf and her "Hollyleaf awesomeness."


	5. Chapter 5 Tigerstar

**Tigerstar's birthday **

"It's my birthday!" Tigerstar cheered, "Now who got my cake?"

"No one." Firestar said.

"Why not?"

"oh, I don't know, BECAUSE U TRIED TO KILL US ALL!?" The clans roared.

"But it's my birthday, and birthday rules say...

1- EVERYONE HERE IS A POODLE, IF YOU DONT LIKE POODLES, TOO BAD!

2- IF ITS UR BIRTHDAY, EVERYONE WILL DO EVERYTHING U SAY! NO VIOLENCE.

3- IF SOMEONE GETS POOPED ON, BLAME IT ON ASHFUR

" Tigerstar said.

"Mouse dung, he is right!" Sandstorm said, "We have to do whatever he says, you know what this means."

"Blame it on Ashfur?" Lionblaze suggested.

"Fuuuu!" Ashfur cursed.

"SHAT UP!" Tigerstar screamed, "For my birthday, I want a cake, and some pretty ponies!"

"Ponies?" Firestar asked.

"Don't be a hater, also everyone will dress up in a tutu."

"NOOOOO!" The clan said.

"YAY!" Leafpool cheered.

"Now I know why Scourge wanted to kill you." Firestar said.

"TEA PARTY!" Tigerstar spilled hot tea on everyone. "Wait... This isn't tea..."

Cloudtail checked the tea package, "ITS TOILET WATER!"

Everyone in the forest threw up, except for Tigerstar, who just laughed.

"Ima go kill Bluestar now, BYE!" Tigerstar said.

"I...HATE...HIM!" Firestar said, dying.

"The worst part is... he took my wallet." Whitestorm choked.

Poor warriors, Tigerstar had the best birthday, for him that is.


	6. Chapter 6 Whitestorm

**Whitestorm's birthday**

"Whitestorm, what do you want for your birthday party?" Firestar asked.

"My birthday was five months ago." Whitestorm answered, "It's fine, I don't need a birthday party."

"But everyone needs a birthday party!" Graystripe said.

"Thanks but, I don't need one." Whitestorm insisted.

"Too bad." Firestar started the fireworks.

Sorreltail then became Kesha and started randomly dancing.

"NO!" Whitestorm cried, "MY DAUGHTER... I THOUGHT I RAISED YOU BETTER!"

Then a giant alien comes in the party and started pooping.

"NO! ITS THE PARTY POOPER!" Firestar pointed out.

"FIRE THE CANNONS!" Graystripe said.

The cannons exploded into fairy dust.

"DANGIT TINKER BELL!" Sandstorm said.

"ILL HANDLE THIS!" Sorreltail said, she started singing the worst songs in the world.

The singing was so bad, the giant alien went deaf and melted into acid. Yes, it is possible.

"I NEVER THOUGHT BIRTHDAY PARTIES WERE FILLED WITH SO MUCH TORTURE AND SUFFERING!" Whitestorm said.

Dustpelt bought some food for the party. "I got food!"

Ferncloud punches Dustpelt in the face, "Only I do the groceries!"

"Yay, Dustpelt brought cake." Sandstorm announced.

"I don't like cake." Whitestorm said.

Longtail died from the shock of someone not liking cake.

Mousefur randomly turned purple and started eating trees.

"I'm surrounded by weirdos..." Whitestorm muttered.

**I ran out of ideas for this one... I'm sorry you read this chapter... What is your favorite chapter so far? And your favorite scene? Please let me know in the comments, thanks you.**


	7. Chapter 7 Sol

**Sol's birthday**

Sol woke up, randomly calm for no reason. He looked up at the stars and remembered how Blackstar totally had a crush on him.

"I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU!" Blackstar growled as he read Sol's mind.

"Don't be jelly of my peanut better awesomeness." Sol said.

"Wtf?" Blackstar replied.

"THE SUN WILL DISAPPEAR!" Sol randomly yelled out of calmness (if possible)

"NOW UR JUST CRAZY!" Blackstar said.

"SAYS THE GUY WHO ACTUALLY CARED ABOUT RUSSETFUR!" Sol back-sassed.

"Whatever! Are you going to help me kill Firestar or not?" Blackstar asked his boyfriend.

"HECK YEA! THATS GUY STOLE MY SANDWICH!" Sol said.

**Meanwhile in ThunderClan**...

"Sol makes a good sandwich." Firestar said as he ate Sol's sandwich.

"Firestar! I need help!" Graystripe said.

"No duh." Firestar said. "Have you stopped cheating on Silverstream with Millie yet?"

"I'm not cheating." Graystripe defended, "Plus Silverstream is totally ok with me liking Millie."

"IM GOING TO KILL GRAYSTRIPE THE CHEATER!" Silverstream exclaimed in StarClan.

"I bet Silverstream is just exclaiming her love for me." Graystripe said.

"I HATE GRAYSTRIPE SO MUCH!" Silverstream exclaimed.

"Anyway," Graystripe said, "A patrol saw Sol and his boyfriend Blackstar teaming up to kill you, Firestar."

"Who's Blackstar?" Firestar asked.

"The guy who you fought like a million times. The same guy who has been ShadowClan leader for a million years." Graystripe explained.

"Never heard of him." Firestar said. "Anyway, it's Sol's birthday so we can't hurt him."

"Darn birthday rules!" Graystripe said.

**Meanwhile in ShadowClan**...

"Who farted?!" Blackstar demanded.

"It was Sol!" Tawnypelt said.

"As if! It was probably Tawnypelt!" Sol said.

"She-cats don't fart!" Blackstar pointed out.

"Tawnypelt is a girl?" Sol exclaimed.

"NO FARTING!" Blackstar yelled, "IF YOU WANT TO FART, GO FART ON ASHFUR."

"YAY!" Littlecloud cheered.

"NOW TO GO KILL FIRESTAR!" Blackstar said.

**ShadowClan rushed over to ThunderClan**.

"THIS IS FOR EATING MY SANDWICH YOU JERK!" Sol said as he smacked Firestar.

"Don't be jelly of my peanut butter awesomeness." Firestar said.

"WHY IS EVERYONE SAYING THAT?!" Blackstar asked.

"Shouldn't you two lovers be on your honeymoon?" Sandstorm asked Blackstar and Sol.

"Blackstar and I?" Sol exclaimed. "No way, I'm WAY out of his league."

"I DONT EVEN LIKE HIM!" Blackstar said.

"Blackstar, this is hard but I just don't like you that way." Sol said. "I know you want to be my boyfriend but-"

"I DONT WANT TO BE YOUR BOYFRIEND!" Blackstar exclaimed.

"We can't be together because THE SUN WILL DISAPPEAR!" Sol explained.

"Best reason ever." Squirrelflight commented.

"The real reason why Sol can't date Blackstar is because he is in love with me!" Purdy said.

"It's true." Sol said. "Purdy and I are the peanut butter and nutella that fill a love sandwich."

"WTF, Y IS THERE SO MUCH PEANUT BUTTER QUOTES?!" Blackstar exclaimed.

**Sol and Purdy then became mates and Blackstar was super jelly.**

"IM NOT JELLY" Blackstar defended himself


	8. Chapter 8 Jayfeather

**Jayfeather's birthday**

Jayfeather woke up to the sound of cheering. He jumped to his paws and walked outside to see what caused the noise.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" Lionblaze said as he pat Jayfeather on the back. "I gave you a visual present!"

"You know im blind" Jayfeather said.

"Yeah, I can SEE what you mean." Lionblaze joked.

"Lionblaze, I can't seem to find or see the mouse I left anywhere." Cinderheart said.

"You can't see the mouse? Neither can Jayfeather." Lionblaze said.

Jayfeather punched Lionblaze in the face. "I can still hear you, mouse-brain."

"Here's your present, Jayfeather." Lionblaze said.

Jayfeather touched it, not knowing what it was. "What is this? OMG IF THIS IS DOG POOP AGAIN, ILL KILL YOU!"

"It's not dog poop." Lionblaze promised.

"ITS CAT POOP ISNT IT." Jayfeather said.

"No! It's your stick, that you feel in love with. I fixed it with rabbit poop." Lionblaze said.

"My stick?" Jayfeather felt a bit emotional. Jayfeather love his stick.

"How do you know if i used dog poop to fix the stick?" Lionblaze asked.

"I don't know, how?" Jayfeather asked.

"You can tell if its dog poop on a stick, by its BARK!" Lionblaze joked.

Jayfeather facepalmed in disappointment.

"Did you get it? Cuz dogs bark and sticks have bark..." Lionblaze explained. "Just don't face-palm tree again."

"Stop it." Jayfeather said.

"Jayfeather! I got your cake!" Dovewing said as she brought cake.

"I hate cake." Jayfeather said.

Dovewing gasped and died.

"What about ice cream?" Lionblaze asked.

"Hate it." Jayfeather said.

"Cookies?" Lionblaze asked.

"Hate it." Jayfeather said.

"Then what do you want to eat?" Lionblaze asked.

"A mouse." Jayfeather said.

"A mousse?" Lionblaze asked.

"No!" Jayfeather said as he padded away.

Jayfeather went into the medicine cat den and started licking his stick in affection. Half moon appeared out of nowhere.

"U CHEATED ON ME WITH A STICK?!" Half moon exclaimed as she saw Jayfeather.

"ITS NOT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE!" Jayfeather said.

"U HAVE TO CHOSE NOW, EITHER ME OR THE STICK!" Half moon demanded.

"Well there's you, a beautiful she-cat with a creative personality, and there's the stick covered in poop. I-I CANT CHOSE!" Jayfeather said honestly.

Half moon exploded out of jealously.

"Eh I was gonna chose the stick anyway." Jayfeather said.

Lionblaze appeared out of nowhere, "Remember to STICK up for your friends."


	9. Chapter 9 Random

**Random warrior cat birthday **

**I asked you guys and gals to suggest random names for this story, so here you go! :D**

Leopardstar padded out of her den.

"LEOPARDSTAR! WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!" Slushiekit exclaimed,

"DID MISTYFOOT SET THE RIVER ON FIRE AGAIN?" Leopardstar asked.

"No! Its something much worse! WERE OUT OF SLUSHIES!" Slushiekit flew away.

"I KNOW WHAT TO DO! WE SHOULD BLOW UP THE FOREST!" Bad-ideakit suggested.

"WE WILL DIE IF WE DO THAT!" Leopardstar said.

"I know! THAT IS WHY I WANNA DO IT!" Bad-ideakit said.

"Before we blow up everything, LET ME TAKE A SELFIE!" Selfiekit said. "Ugh who even wears leopard anymore?" Selfiekit looked at Leopardstar. (tad mama reference )

"IM SO SQUISHYYYYY!" Marshmellowkit announced.

"CAN WE GO POOP ON FIRESTAR?" Dungkit asked.

"UPTOWN PAW YOU UP!" Pawpaw sang, "I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING PAW! NEVER HIT SO HAAAARD IN PAW!"

Explosionkit exploded.

"IMA CHECK INSTA-BOOK AND FACE-GRAM!" Tumblrkit said.

Pikachukit electrified everyone.

"How shocking." Leopardstar said. (Another reference )

"IM SOOO MAD! I JUST GOT THE IPHONE 6 AND NOW I HAVE TO THROWIT OUT CUZ THEY MADE THE IPHONE 6 PLUS! #LIFEISSOOOOOHARD!" Iphonekit whined.

"The reason why none of you kits are apprentices is because you never grow up!" Leopardstar said.

"Nuuu! Thats not true!" Randomkit said.

"WERE SO MATURE!" Pineapplekit said.

Fluffykit then ate a tree.

"ILL NEVER GIVE IMMATURE BABIES THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF AN APPRENTOCE!" Leopardstar said.

"Leopardstar is probably just kidding around." Dumbkit said.

"Not true, when Leopardstar says no apprenticeship, she means it. Ive been an apprentice for over the ice age." Grandmakit explained.

"IMA TURN EVERYONE IN TO DONKEYS!" Unicornmagickit announced.

Everyone became a donkey.

Rabieskit then licked Leopardstar.

"WTF!" Leopardstar exclaimed.

"Donkeys tastes like cats." Rabieskit said (this is one of the weirdest things i have ever typed ).

"CAN I PLAY LICK THE LEOPARDSTAR GAME TOO?" Weirdokit asked.

"HECK NO!" Leopardstar said.

"Aw." Weirdokit said.

Then everyone died, best birthday ever :D

Credits to the reviewers like you! Your name might be here if you commented!

**Sunburstkitty** suggested Slushiekit

**PopPopPanda** suggested Selfiekit and Tumblrkit

**XxLightSunxX** suggested Pikachukit and Iphonekit

**Tansyfang** suggested Pawpaw

**Blazerkitty** suggested Explosionkit

**Silver's Fang** suggested Dungkit

**GUESSmeYAY** suggested Unicornmagickit and Rabieskit

**Guest** suggested Bad-ideakit

**Guest** suggested Marshmellowkit

**Guest** suggested Fluffykit and Pineapplekit

**Guest** suggested Weirdokit


End file.
